I know I botched the job last time…to all of mine and Arnold’s wonderful friends thank you for all the love…I didn’t know he had be friended me on Facebook…those of you who have not seen us in a while let me explain…my sweetheart had an L5S1 surgery in 1995 from an oji…this was just before we met…he then had a he then had a lapendectamy which is where his vertebrae in his L5S1 region because his vertabrea it self was crushed…he had a bone graphed and a metal plate and two screws implanted…he later that same year was diagnosed with multiple sclorosis…which is a horrid disease that seems to steal your quality of life quite quickly…I have been a full time student at Weber State University in Jan of 2012…we have both been sick since the beginning of the month and goodness what a pair we were…I had strep throat and a virus and then after that I started getting tension headaches and vomitting ever since…his pain clinic closed in June he had been going there since Jan…he had to fight for now four months to get back on his pain regiment…this terrible devastating thing that has hurt so many people was a massive heart attack that took my husband at approx 2a on sat…I have been trying to catch up with school…I got wonderful grades the last 2 semesters (4.0) and was trying to repeat it…Thursday night he was so in pain infact he has been in excruciating pain that entire week…sometimes even my big strong husband just can’t take it…I held him Thursday as we both wished he could have respite from this terrible pain…I will spare you details of his actual being found by me, our youngest daughter koko who is 4, and our very good friends that fb is not letting me add (prob cause this post is forever long. But after a terrible day of beating myself up for not spending more time with him…he text me on my phone from his phone “Kara, I love you” …this wonderful news that showed up on my phone while his phone had not only been off but was dead and charging helped me to feel my soulmate was just as shocked that he was no longer in the same plane of time and space as I was…we (everyone who has paid their condolances in the last 2 days and my family). Feel him hear…I have not slept since Saturday morning at around 8am…I have been inundated with all of you family, friends, our fb family…my girls and I had no idea we and our daddy/husband were so very loved…he has been comforting us since it happened…My brilliant, beautiful, husband loved our babies and honestly he raised the first three by himself while I went to work to be the bread winner…he was a charismatic man who made sure our girls had wonderful memories to rely on…we had a fifth baby girl (yes 5 girls) Kerysten Ashley who is the wonderful product of his first wife Jennifer Dutra who has been one of many wells I am drawing from in my grief and then our children together Kaylee,Rachal,Brettnee, and the baby that he has guided me with loving hands to raise Kohlette…after getting no where because of not having a degree…he supported me and pushed me to go to school…we debated, and analized my classes together…he is so brilliant…while I took my classes he sat through video lectures with me he let me read my text books to himWe fell in love all over again this past year. He had a passion for education that has become a standard for our house and all because he is a great teacher…to the teeanagers who have been in our lives since my teenagers were babies he wants you to reconnect…My husband was a very forgiving man…he has been my soulmate, my husband, my teacher, my heart…while this has been a shock because we all thought he had 10 more years (a least). I am so relieved that my dear sweet husband who had to endure for 18 years that terrible pain is absolutely 100% pain free…he has guided me each step that I have taken and though I may feel odd taking to these four walls for answers to questions I never thought I would have to answer this soon I feel him with me. We have always had passion for each other in love, in fights, and I await the time for us to be reunited…for now honey tease us as you have, we will go camping, we will go to bear lake, we will ride rollercoasters all to remember you…you are and will always be my befriend…I will finish the wonderful job you started with our 5 beautiful girls…I’m glad you get to see Grandpa and Aunt Louise. It is bittersweet because I know you wanted so badly to be a grandfather…but honey you will be. I will not quit school bc I know you would be upset if I did…the girls feel it as well the drive to succeed in our plans. I have the reins baby and your a great teacher. While I long for you’re big strong arms to hold me and reassure me you are right I am no cream puff and I will be strong and I will carry the burden just to know you are Finally pain free gives me so much comfort…enjoy your summer I hope you get to do all those things you loved to but just couldn’t these past months…I am happy for release from those cruel diseases that hurt you and the forgiveness you have found. I am happy to know that you have found peace in all of you’re demons…and since you got there before I did don’t give up on me I’ll be there with you after our great grand babies are born and in true soulmate fashion we will share our joy when we see each other again. How do I breathe with out you? I’m hoping you will help me to learn. Your family ( the Christensens and Ewers) they love you and are hurting too…please comfort them as well. They need you too. I have monopolized your time please help them to feel your peace so that their hearts to can in time mend. I love you mom (Maryee) because I honestly think to burry you’re child is a pain I could not mend from…I am glad that even if by marriage I am related to such a strong woman hopefully I too will one day be as strong as you…thank you for everything all of you guys have done for us. I love you all…sorry so long, and hopefully I have not offended…I may not be able to answer back quickly in fb but I am not ignoring any of you and will personally answer back when I have time…have to be up in 3 and a half hours to start the day. Goodnight all…and cherish the ones you love you never know how long or how very short your time is together. My love is like a story book story.