I know I botched the job last timeto all of mine and Arnolds wonderful friends thank you for all the loveI didnt know he had be friended me on Facebookthose of you who have not seen us in a while let me explainmy sweetheart had an L5S1 surgery in 1995 from an ojithis was just before we methe then had a he then had a lapendectamy which is where his vertebrae in his L5S1 region because his vertabrea it self was crushedhe had a bone graphed and a metal plate and two screws implantedhe later that same year was diagnosed with multiple sclorosiswhich is a horrid disease that seems to steal your quality of life quite quicklyI have been a full time student at Weber State University in Jan of 2012we have both been sick since the beginning of the month and goodness what a pair we wereI had strep throat and a virus and then after that I started getting tension headaches and vomitting ever sincehis pain clinic closed in June he had been going there since Janhe had to fight for now four months to get back on his pain regimentthis terrible devastating thing that has hurt so many people was a massive heart attack that took my husband at approx 2a on satI have been trying to catch up with schoolI got wonderful grades the last 2 semesters (4.0) and was trying to repeat itThursday night he was so in pain infact he has been in excruciating pain that entire weeksometimes even my big strong husband just cant take itI held him Thursday as we both wished he could have respite from this terrible painI will spare you details of his actual being found by me, our youngest daughter koko who is 4, and our very good friends that fb is not letting me add (prob cause this post is forever long. But after a terrible day of beating myself up for not spending more time with himhe text me on my phone from his phone "Kara, I love you" this wonderful news that showed up on my phone while his phone had not only been off but was dead and charging helped me to feel my soulmate was just as shocked that he was no longer in the same plane of time and space as I waswe (everyone who has paid their condolances in the last 2 days and my family). Feel him hearI have not slept since Saturday morning at around 8amI have been inundated with all of you family, friends, our fb familymy girls and I had no idea we and our daddy/husband were so very lovedhe has been comforting us since it happenedMy brilliant, beautiful, husband loved our babies and honestly he raised the first three by himself while I went to work to be the bread winnerhe was a charismatic man who made sure our girls had wonderful memories to rely onwe had a fifth baby girl (yes 5 girls) Kerysten Ashley who is the wonderful product of his first wife Jennifer Dutra who has been one of many wells I am drawing from in my grief and then our children together Kaylee,Rachal,Brettnee, and the baby that he has guided me with loving hands to raise Kohletteafter getting no where because of not having a degreehe supported me and pushed me to go to schoolwe debated, and analized my classes togetherhe is so brilliantwhile I took my classes he sat through video lectures with me he let me read my text books to himWe fell in love all over again this past year. He had a passion for education that has become a standard for our house and all because he is a great teacherto the teeanagers who have been in our lives since my teenagers were babies he wants you to reconnectMy husband was a very forgiving manhe has been my soulmate, my husband, my teacher, my heartwhile this has been a shock because we all thought he had 10 more years (a least). I am so relieved that my dear sweet husband who had to endure for 18 years that terrible pain is absolutely 100% pain freehe has guided me each step that I have taken and though I may feel odd taking to these four walls for answers to questions I never thought I would have to answer this soon I feel him with me. We have always had passion for each other in love, in fights, and I await the time for us to be reunitedfor now honey tease us as you have, we will go camping, we will go to bear lake, we will ride rollercoasters all to remember youyou are and will always be my befriendI will finish the wonderful job you started with our 5 beautiful girlsIm glad you get to see Grandpa and Aunt Louise. It is bittersweet because I know you wanted so badly to be a grandfatherbut honey you will be. I will not quit school bc I know you would be upset if I didthe girls feel it as well the drive to succeed in our plans. I have the reins baby and your a great teacher. While I long for youre big strong arms to hold me and reassure me you are right I am no cream puff and I will be strong and I will carry the burden just to know you are Finally pain free gives me so much comfortenjoy your summer I hope you get to do all those things you loved to but just couldnt these past monthsI am happy for release from those cruel diseases that hurt you and the forgiveness you have found. I am happy to know that you have found peace in all of youre demonsand since you got there before I did dont give up on me Ill be there with you after our great grand babies are born and in true soulmate fashion we will share our joy when we see each other again. How do I breathe with out you? Im hoping you will help me to learn. Your family ( the Christensens and Ewers) they love you and are hurting tooplease comfort them as well. They need you too. I have monopolized your time please help them to feel your peace so that their hearts to can in time mend. I love you mom (Maryee) because I honestly think to burry youre child is a pain I could not mend fromI am glad that even if by marriage I am related to such a strong woman hopefully I too will one day be as strong as youthank you for everything all of you guys have done for us. I love you allsorry so long, and hopefully I have not offendedI may not be able to answer back quickly in fb but I am not ignoring any of you and will personally answer back when I have timehave to be up in 3 and a half hours to start the day. Goodnight alland cherish the ones you love you never know how long or how very short your time is together. My love is like a story book story.